Another horse, this time Irish thoroughbred The Cliffsofmoher, has been killed at the Melbourne Cup because it was too stupid to not fall over and break its bones on national television.
Racing in his first Melbourne Cup, The Cliffsofmoher fell within the first 600m of the ‘Race that Stops a Nation’ and broke his shoulder, with no chance of rehabilitation. The five year-old had to be euthanised in order to relieve the excruciating pain that he clumsily brought upon himself.
Long-time racing carnival presenter Bruce McAvaney said it was an unfortunate thing to happen.
“It’s regrettable, and our thoughts and prayers are with the owners and trainers of this fine horse, but unfortunately this is the sad part of this sport of kings,” said McAvaney.
Racegoer Lachlan Betts shared McAvaney’s sentiments.
“Yeah, it sucks but have you checked out the gash here?!” said Betts with one side of his shirt untucked.
Another member of the public, who chose to remain anonymous, was noticeably distraught over the horse’s death.
“It’s a real tragedy. I can’t believe it’s happened again. This is the third fucking time I’ve bet on a horse that’s collapsed at the Cup,” said the punter.
“Red Cadeaux in 2015, Regal Monarch last year and this year it’s this retard horse. I’ve lost about $500 to these spastics.”
The Melbourne Cup has been increasingly controversial with its record of horse deaths in recent times, with the number of protestors and boycotters growing each year. Racing Victoria spokesperson Gary McClintock says that it’s unfair for activists to target the biggest day of the racing calendar.
“Why aren’t they protesting every week? Why aren’t they protesting at country meets? They deliberately wait until the biggest racing day of the year just to make the biggest noise,” said McClintock.
“Well, I guess that makes sense, and we have killed five horses in the last five Melbourne Cup races…
“…but someone pointed out that these people only seem to come out once a year and I’m going to continue to pretend that their selective outrage somehow invalidates their argument that we shouldn’t flog horses to death.”
Despite growing concerns, the 2019 Melbourne Cup is expected to go ahead as planned, with the horse to be murdered yet to be announced.
New Zealand-born gelding Wheeler Fortune has tragically died during the Oakbank Easter Racing Carnival, chasing his dream of winning the first jumps race of the weekend.
After suffering a nasty fall from a collision with fellow horse Searaven, Wheeler Fortune obtained a serious leg injury and had to be euthanised by track veterinarians, sadly short of his lifelong dream of winning a race at Oakbank.
"He always talked about winning a race at Oakbank," said one source close to the horse, of course.
"We would stay up late drinking, and Wheeler Fortune would always lean over after having a few and tell me how he was one day going to win a race here. At least I know he died doing what he loved."
Wheeler Fortune died writhing in agony while being shot in the head.
Protestors have since amplified their calls for a ban on jumps racing in the wake of what they're describing as 'another needless death'. Winner of Wheeler Fortune's final race, a horse called Renew, was not supportive of their demands.
"Look, as a horse, who is best to comment on the wellbeing of horses than me, who is a horse? And I'll tell you, as a horse, we all dream of horseracing glory.
"Wheeler Fortune, who was a horse, knew the risks for a horse, and made up his own mind to race. Who are you to tell him what to do as a horse unless you're a horse too, which I am.
"I am a horse."
The protestors' cries forced comment from Oakbank Racing Chairman Barney Gask, who is reported to have said that it was the first fatality at the track in six years.
The RSPCA, however, disputed Mr Gask's figure, and said Wheeler Fortune was the fourth horse to die as a result of jumps racing at Oakbank in the past six years. This included Black Moon in 2014, Virvacity in 2012, and three other horses in the two years prior to 2012.
But they all looked the same so they may as well have been the same horse.
Thoroughbred Racing SA chairman Frances Nelson was asked about why, with Victoria and South Australia being the only Australian states to still allow jumps racing, the practice should continue.
"It's very popular," said Ms Nelson, which seems fair.
In response to the incident, Oakbank Racing have put out a press release announcing that as a tribute to the fallen horses, there will be a 21-gun salute at the end of the racing carnival. Any guns fired directly into the heads of injured horses will not count towards the 21 guns.
Lloyd Williams-owned Almandin has won the 2016 Melbourne Cup amidst a flurry of controversy.
Jockey Kerrin McEvoy, riding his second Melbourne Cup winner, has enraged fellow jockeys and sparked conspiracy theory claims amongst punters by refusing to dismount his horse for hours following the completion of the race.
Rumours trackside from industry insiders have suggested that the reason for their stubborn non-separation is that prior to the race, McEvoy and Almandin took part in a risky horse-grafting procedure in which the horse and rider were fused together physically to create a man-horse, not unlike the legendary centaur. Animal scientists hypothesise that this may have resulted in an 'accelerated symbiosis' in which man and beast were able to work together in perfect synchronicity from a single consciousness.
Mr Williams, attending his first Melbourne Cup since 1996, scoffed at the claims and even made some accusations of his own.
"It's utterly ridiculous. If we wanted to create some sort of Dr. Moreau abomination we wouldn't have combined man and horse - we would have made a horse-rabbit for steeplechase, or a horse-horse for twice the horse.
"Plus, did anyone notice Heartbreak City was hovering? If you look closely at the footage I doubt you'll ever see her feet touch the ground."
From atop his steed, McEvoy refuted the claims.
"It's just jealousy. I've accomplished something I never thought I'd accomplish again and all these people want to do is take away from my big day.
"To suggest Almandin and I are working from the same brain is outrageous."
"Just let us celebrate," the horse added.