Hours after Cricket Australia CEO James Sutherland announced that Darren Lehmann would be retained as coach of the Australian men’s cricket team after recent ball-tampering controversies, Stalag 13 commander Kommandant Colonel Wilhelm Klink has held a press conference to announce that Sergeant Lehmann would also be kept on as a Nazi guard.
Speculation has grown in recent days that Sergeant Lehmann had involvement in the recent escape efforts from the famed Nazi P.O.W. camp and that his position as the main guard on duty was in jeopardy.
Video footage was captured of several prisoners, including Colonel Robert Hogan, concealing contraband materials in their underwear, potentially to be used in escape efforts. Further damning footage was seen that appeared to show Sergeant Lehmann using a Feldfu A1 radio transceiver to warn Corporal Louis LeBeau that they were under suspicion in exchange for his delicious apple crumb cake.
When asked by ASW directly after the allegations were raised whether there was any truth to the rumours, Sergeant Lehmann strongly denied involvement.
“I see nothing!” said Lehmann defiantly.
“I hear nothing! I know nothing!” he continued, apple crumb cake still on his chin.
Colonel Klink accepted Lehmann’s denial of any knowledge of the escape plan and said that he was looking forward to continuing to work with Sergeant Lehmann.
“Like Sutherland before me, I believe him when he says he had no involvement,” said Klink.
“Now we just have to get down to the business of eating apple crumb cake together…I mean…running an efficient Nazi prisoner camp together.”
Lehmann’s next immediate duty will be in his position as Australian cricket coach, with the fourth Test against South Africa due to begin on the 30th of March.