AUSTRALIAN CRICKETERS' ASSOCIATION TO RE-ENTER NEGOTIATIONS WITH CRICKET AUSTRALIA TO NEVER PLAY IN ASIA AGAIN
Fresh from a drawn-out pay dispute between the Australian Cricketers' Association (ACA) and Cricket Australia (CA), negotiators are preparing to meet once again, this time to discuss the ACA's desire to never play in Asia ever again, at any time, ever.
The Australian men's Test side were defeated by Bangladesh today, signalling Bangladesh's first victory over Australia in their Test-playing history. This was Australia's first match since their ill-fated tour of India earlier in the year, before the pay dispute raised its head.
Test captain Steve Smith, who chose to stay relatively silent during the pay negotiations, has decided to speak out on the latest issue.
"We can't keep persisting with this Asian experiment that's clearly not working," said Smith
"We can't read pitches in Asia. Our pace bowlers get nothing out of them, and we don't have six spinners per side like India, Pakistan and Bangladesh. I hate roti bread and, let's be honest with each other, after nine or ten mango lassis you start to get a bit churned up inside.
"Yet Cricket Australia keeps insisting we play matches over there, claiming that it's part of some ICC agreement or something."
David Warner, who scored a century to no avail in the 4th innings of the Bangladesh Test match, said he agreed on some points raised by Smith, but was at odds with some of his captain's views.
"I agree that it's a difficult task to keep playing in Asia, despite all of our on-field performances suggesting it's foolish to try, but I take a really strong stand against what 'Smudge' (Smith) said," began Warner.
"Roti is fucking amazing, and I could eat gulab jamun until my arse fell out of its socket."
Negotiations are expected to begin once the side returns to Australia, with a resolution hopeful before the start of this summer's Ashes series against England which begins on November 23 in Brisbane.