Further investigations sparked by the ICC's guilty verdict on South African captain Faf Du Plessis's ball-tampering charges have unearthed additional concerns.
ICC chief investigator Gerard Malady has reported that in addition to using mint-infused saliva to polish a cricket ball in the second test against Australia, he may have actually substituted the entire ball for a Gobstopper™ during one of Kagiso Rabada's bowling spells.
"We've reviewed the footage meticulously, and there's a concerning discolouration on the ball during Australia's second innings. Rather than the traditional red shine and stitched seam as we've grown accustomed to when dealing with cricket balls, this sphere-like object had a rather speckled appearance, no discernible seam and looked quite appetising in a chore-like candy way," said Malady.
"Furthermore, after inspecting the bowler's markers at the top of their run-up, we are led to believe that they were in fact large chocolate freckles."
This follows on from Australian captain Steve Smith's outrageous claim on the weekend that even Du Plessis's bat may have been tampered with.
"Every time Faf hit a ball I had an uneasy feeling. It didn't have that willow sound that I've heard all through my cricketing. It definitely had a nougat ring to it. Even the tape on his cricket bat looked suspiciously like bubble gum tape."
When asked if trace elements of diluted mint residue on a ball could account for an innings victory, Du Plessis refused to comment on the matter, or rather couldn't as he'd just had an Extreme Sour Warhead™.
Cricket Australia's panel of selectors has been caught in an unexpected sinkhole incident in the lead-up to the third Test in Adelaide this week.
The selectors, led by interim chairman Trevor Hohns, are awaiting rescue after a large excavation of mud resulted in their boardroom's floor collapsing. Hohns, along with Darren Lehmann, Mark Waugh and Greg Chappell, are said to have been involved in the relocation of several tons of wet dirt from near their selection headquarters, following on from work led by previous chairman Rod Marsh.
"Look, Rod had started implementing a sort of therapeutic ritual when thinking about his upcoming selections, and we thought we'd give it a shot," said Hohns via telephone.
"What he would do is continually throw handful after handful of mud at a large section of wall that contained the faces and names of those players in selection contention. The idea being that you would tend to unknowingly throw the mud towards the players you subconsciously wanted to select, and once that player's face was completely covered by mud that had stuck to the wall, you knew they deserved selection.
"I guess today we just lost track of ourselves and were throwing mud at every part of the wall, just seeing where it would adhere. We didn't think about the structural integrity of the room and this is where we find ourselves, just hoping for the best."
Rescue efforts are expected to begin on Thursday, with it most likely known by the weekend if there is to be any hope. If by Monday there is no improvement, Cricket Australia are expected to begin construction of a replacement selection committee room directly on top of the existing selection room.
Jason Gillespie is one of the front-runners to take over from Rod Marsh's position as the permanent Chairman of Selectors for the Australian Cricket Team, while he is also being considered for every other position in the team.
While Trevor Hohns has taken over from Marsh as an interim Chairman, the search is on for a successor to the much-maligned role.
Gillespie has proven himself as an identifier of talent with great leadership qualities, having coached Yorkshire from a faultering division 2 side to back-to-back division one champions in only a matter of three years.
Due to this impressive coaching record, not only is he being considered for the selector's role, but also as head coach to replace ex-playing partner Darren Lehmann. Lehmann and Gillespie played alongside each other both for South Australia and on the International stage, where Gillespie was one of the main strike bowlers for Australia taking 259 wickets at an average of 26.13.
Due to this impressive bowling record, not only is he being considered for the selector's role, and the coaching role, but also as a bowling option to slot in to the ever-rotating bowling line-up for Australia. Gillespie has not played an international Test match since 2006 when he famously made 201 not out against Bangladesh in Chittagong, although he did continue to play first class cricket for Yorkshire, making an unbeaten 123 the next year, and South Australia, making an unbeaten 118 the following year.
Due to this impressive batting record, not only is he being considered for the selector's role, and the coaching role, and as a bowling option, but also as a steadying batsman in Australia's middle order which has offered very little resistance against South Africa this summer. Nicknamed 'The Walking Forward Defence', Gillespie could provide the consistent stability needed in the current side. He could also provide a much needed morale boost as Gillespie was frequently identified as one of the practical jokers on the team, relieving tension during Australia's record-breaking period of dominance in the early part of this century.
Due to this temperament, not only is he being considered for the selector's role, and the coaching role, and as a bowling option, and as a batting solution, but also as a member of the touring squad in order to raise spirits.
Current Australian wicketkeeper Peter Nevill, when asked about the possibility of Gillespie's recruitment, only offered support.
"I think it'd be great. I've always looked up to him as a bowler, batsman, leader, technical coach and as a person. Plus, he can't wicketkeep for shit, so I'm all for it."
No decisions have yet been made by Cricket Australia.
Neil Harvey has been left disappointed after rain on the second day of the Australia v South Africa Hobart test match prevented him from making his self-hailed comeback.
After a disastrous start to this summer's test series for the Australians, outspoken ex-player Neil Harvey, 88, declared that he was travelling to Tasmania to make his return to test cricket at the Bellerive Oval.
"Arrrggh. I could still play better than every single player that was named for Australia in the first and second tests, as well as every former player that selected them and every player that watched.
"I'm gonna fly down there and give 'em the ol' one-two."
Australian Chairman of Selectors Rod Marsh was skeptical of Harvey's typically confident claims.
"I sincerely doubt Harvey could out-keep Peter Nevill," said Marsh.
When asked to comment on the rest of the team, Marsh claimed to have seen a big bear and ran away, seeking refuge under a blanket in his locked car.
Harvey is expected to once again attend Bellerive Oval tomorrow, fully padded, maniacally swinging his bat and singing old war tunes.
The first test match of the 2016/2017 Australian cricketing summer began with panic as it was discovered that the umpires had mistakenly brought the wrong kit bag to the WACA venue.
Instead of the ICC-approved stumps and bails, match referee Andy Pycroft accidentally arrived with his children's cricket set, featuring significantly shorter stumps and one long set of bails.
Umpire Aleem Dar, when asked about the mix-up, was not forgiving of his fellow official.
"The first thing we must do when preparing for a cricket match, especially a Test, is to double-check and triple-check that everything is in order.
"We check that we can remember how to count to 6, we check that the little walkie talkie and earpiece that tell us what our decision is work, we check that the cricket balls are the standard spherical configuration and we certainly check that the stumps are regulation and not a beach cricket set, a welded metal set or some wickets painted on the side of a recycling bin."
South African captain Faf Du Plessis was prepared to give Pycroft the benefit of the doubt.
"Uhn mah country, thus ees not a big dee-yul. Whunce ah played uhn a mehtch where uhnsteed of a puhtch, they hed ehccidentally laid aht a Crocodile Mile."
Australia dismissed South Africa for 242 in the first innings.