Former Indian Test cricketer and current pundit Harbhajan Singh has angered followers and detractors alike by continuing to hold back the release of his tax records despite previous promises to do so.
Harbhajan made several bold predictions about the outcome of the current India v Australia Test series.
"If Australia play well, India will win 3-0. That is if Australia play well," Harbhajan told The New Daily. "Otherwise, 4-0."
"If this is not the case then I will happily release my tax returns, but not until Australia show that they can match it with India."
Harbhajan went as far as to say that the Australian side was the "worst side to tour India. Sad!".
"If the ball starts spinning from the first ball, I don't think they will survive for long."
Australia won the first Test of the series convincingly, by 333 runs, and many expected Harbhajan to release his tax records shortly after. Harbhajan, instead, questioned the validity of Australia's win.
"To be honest, that wasn't a pitch. Test cricket should last five days.
"You cannot play on such wickets where anyone runs in to bowl and takes wickets...when you prepare such a wicket, you are making conditions favourable for the opposition as well."
When media pointed out to Harbhajan that, by his own words, a pitch that offered first day spin should have advantaged India, Harbhajan threatened to ban the media from future press conferences and refused to acknowledge the contradiction.
"I never said that. Anyway, I know some of the best cricketers. The best cricketers. They all agree, it wasn't India's fault, it was the pitch's fault. Ask anyone, they all say it. I bet you won't report it, but they all say it," rambled Harbhajan.
When asked for comment, Indian captain Virat Kohli had his own ideas.
"I don't think it (the Pune pitch) was any different from the turners that we played on in the past. We just didn't play good cricket," Kohli said on Saturday.
"They exploited it better than us. They put us under pressure throughout and deserved to win this game ... there are no excuses."
Harbhajan discounted these comments and made more of his own.
"I will have to see (O'Keefe) bowl on a good Test match wicket. Not this one. Until then, I will reserve my comments," said Harbhajan, not realising that you can only reserve your comments before making them.
"And my tax returns."
ASW does not expect the release of Harbhajan's tax returns this tour.
Australian Test cricket opening batsman Matt Renshaw has embarrassed the nation and put his position in jeopardy after top-scoring in the first innings of the first match against India without at any point shitting himself.
While previous generations of Australian batsmen have pride themselves on their 'stubbornly shit yourself' spirit, former Test cricket captain Allan Border was highly critical of Renshaw's unsullied performance.
"What was he thinking?" asked Border.
"To top score for Australia in India without a long streak of liquid turd following you up and down the wicket is just plain un-Australian.
"I remember batting with Dean Jones and he was thinking about retiring because his health was in jeopardy. He was exhausted, dehydrated, close to passing out and suffering from terrible dysentery. I reminded him that any long term health effects and consequences from continuing to play would be insignificant compared to the glory of maybe winning a game of the made-up sport of cricket in another country thousands and thousands of years before the heat death of the universe."
Renshaw's performance, which also attracted the ire of captain Steve Smith, was in stark contrast to fellow newcomer Steve O'Keefe who took six wickets in the first innings with urine-soaked socks.
"I was brought up in a cricket-loving home. We're all traditionalists. I couldn't play my first Test in India without carrying on the tradition of performing with bodily excretions in my clothing. My dad would kill me!" said O'Keefe.
Mark Taylor has sent Channel 9's legal team into chaos in the build up to Australia's second T20 match against Sri Lanka by accidentally hacking into the CIA's case files concerning the relationship between Donald Trump and Russian diplomats.
Using the 'Windows 10 Analyser', a demonstration tool used by the commentary team to highlight key events and tactics during a cricket match, Taylor seemed to lose his place amongst the menu systems and inadvertently stumbled across highly classified documents.
Ian Healy, Taylor's fellow presenter at the time, said that he could tell Taylor was in trouble when the expected replay of Lasith Malinga's bowling didn't appear.
"He missed his cue so I looked over his shoulder at his screen. All I could see was lines of code, like I was in the matrix. I kept telling Tubs (Taylor) to press 'escape' but he just kept clicking on things until all these error messages started popping up.
"Before we knew it, the computer caught fire in his hands and they cut transmission."
ASIO officers arriving on the scene said that Taylor's mad fumbling and panicked clicking may have sparked an international incident after it was revealed that the accidental breach of the CIA's firewall had allowed countless other hackers around the world to follow suit.
No information has yet been made public by any hackers involved in the information breach, but the only Australian to have briefly laid eyes on the documents, Mark Taylor himself, says he is unsure of their contents.
"Now, I don't know for sure but I think they said if they won the toss Russia were going to bat."
Former Australian Test cricket captain Steve Waugh has slammed Indian off-spinner Ravi Ashwin by describing him as the "Bradman of bowling" ahead of Australia's three Test series against India which begins in eight days.
“Ashwin is basically the Bradman of bowling,” Waugh is quoted as saying at the Laureus World Sports Awards.
Bradman only managed to claim two wickets in his entire Test career at an average of 36.0. This is in stark contrast to Ashwin's 254 at an average of 25.04 - figures which put Ashwin objectively ahead of Bradman using any bowling metric.
Using Bradman as a basis for comparison when discussing bowling has been seen as slightly unfair by Ashwin's contemporaries as Bradman was famously renowned for his batting.
"It's really unfair of Steve to say that about Ashwin," said a member of Australia's coaching staff who did not want to be identified.
"To compare his bowling to the Don's sells the kid short. I mean, it's like calling some young shortstop the Michael Jordan of baseball, or calling Adam Scott the Tiger Woods of fidelity...you just don't do it."
"If you mean it as a compliment, you can't compare someone to someone else who actually tried the same thing but much worse. You can say 'Ashwin is to bowling what Michael Schumacher was to driving' but Bradman bowled and he was shit."
Ravi Ashwin, when asked about the comparison, may have had the last laugh.
"I try not to listen to that sort of criticism. After all, it's coming from Steve Waugh. I've always thought of him as the Ursula of twins. Like Phoebe's twin, Ursula, in Friends. I like Friends. Joey always wants to eat things! Do you know Ursula in Friends? Do you like Friends?"
Ashwin will attempt to help his team extend their 19 Test unbeaten streak when they play Australia on February 23rd, the 22nd anniversary of the first airing of the Friends two-part episode where Joey falls in love with Ursula.
Ben Dunk has been the major casualty this week since the adoption of Cricket Australia's nation-wide "Don't Pick Dunk" policy.
Starting from Monday, Cricket Australia sent a memo to all states in the domestic competition highlighting the adoption of a new policy that prevented the selection of any player whose name was, or contained, 'Dunk'.
It is with the utmost urgency that Cricket Australia implores all teams participating in the national Sheffield Shield competition to immediately cease the selection of any and all players whose name is, or has been, Dunk.
We have implemented this 'Don't Pick Dunk' Policy (DPDP) as a direct response to attempts by players named Dunk to influence Cricket Australia's selection policies surrounding the upcoming T20 match against Sri Lanka.
We have recently received an intelligence briefing that suggests that players named Dunk have been using subversive tactics to attempt to undermine Trevor Hohns's player selections, such as 'scoring more runs than anyone in the domestic first-class competition' and, much more recently, a targeted T20 attack that consisted of 'scoring more runs than anyone else in the domestic T20 competition'.
Tasmania took immediate action, dropping Ben Dunk from their Sheffield Shield side.
ASW attempted to reach Ben Dunk for comment, but he was unavailable as he was invited out to lunch by Jamie Cox and Brad Hodge. The topic of conversation is unknown.